The Janergy Effect e-book link
It did feel nice to start getting into the swing of things in Melbourne and I began to feel like I had found my place and the routines and rituals that I would build on.
My day to day life was starting to feel good. My work was going great, I had a great friend, I was out exploring and discovering so many wonderful places and things to do.
I had my routines which included work and going to the markets each week, and I had my rituals - my coffee dates, my bubble baths, my newly found salsa dancing and my love of just wandering the city.
From my arrival into Melbourne mid 2015 through to the end of 2016, I felt like I was shedding my skin, being reborn and taking steps towards really becoming the person who I was now free to be and embracing the peace that came with it.
I set about not only on the journey of rediscovery, but also began to create a more confident, happier version of myself, even if it felt like it was a step forward and two steps back at times.
Most of us have things we want to change about ourselves or let go and I am no different. These things are like thorns and like any thorn, if we don’t try to remove them, they will continue to irritate us to the point that their festering takes away from our quality of life.
Life is about expansion, freedom and joy and I am someone who wants my life to expand, feel free and be filled with joy and the only way to achieve those things is through experiences, learning, letting go of our past hurts and through challenging the beliefs that we hold inside. Our life can’t and won’t change if we do nothing.
I think challenging our beliefs and letting go of our past wounds can be one of the hardest things, because some of those beliefs and wounds - thorns, are so deeply embedded that they seem near impossible to remove, but when we make a conscious decision to make change, we have set the wheels in motion to freeing ourself from what is holding us back and that has a great knock on affect for those around us as well. The happier we are as individuals, means we are more at peace and more enjoyable to be around.
Letting go is hard, but holding on is harder.
Thankfully through all my previous inner work, I didn’t really have any deep hurts from the past festering away inside me, I had day to day things that I wanted to evolve or make better.
One of the things I did was to make a list and that list included some things I wanted to change or enhance in my next life chapter and I got down to business.
The things I wanted to work on included my conversational skills, finding my voice, building my confidence - especially around men, embracing the concept of feeling sexy, and at 50, dating and taking charge of my sexuality. When we master something, regardless of what it is, we no longer have any fear of failure and our self worth rises. These things might seem strange to some, but I am pretty sure that if I am feeling these, then others may be as well.
And why did I want to work on these things? Well....
I still had some doubts around my conversational skills especially when approaching strangers in certain situations, but I was determined to keep working on this. Sure, I could hold a conversation, but I wanted to do it without the inner mental anguish that came from feeling like when you open your mouth, you just babble any old shit.
I had come out of a long-term unhealthy union, where my voice wasn't heard, so this was so important to me. I vowed never to be in a situation where my words were not heard and more importantly I wanted them to be taken notice of and validated. Even if it wasn’t my voice that did the talking, my actions could, and that became such a game changer when I started dating. I wanted to ensure that when I went into my next union (fingers crossed there would be another one) that I felt empowered to not settle. That I would be sure that it was the right person who aligned with my values and I could live with peace and happiness.
Building confidence around men was also really important to me. I never really felt comfortable around men unless I had formed a strong bond, but it was now necessary to break this fear down, as I began to navigate the world of dating.
Speaking of dating, my ability to date was non existent and as a newly single woman, this was something I needed to master.
As for feeling sexy, well I cringe at that word, but I eventually had to accept the fact that I was one very sexy woman and I began to own the fuck out of it and let my va va voom do the ka-boom.
And sex at 50? Yep, I was about to enter my journey of sexploration.
I am going to leave this chapter with one of my favourite books that a friend in Brisbane lent me and I've read it a couple of times and also given it to others. I read it prior to leaving my marriage and it's a beautiful book about change and how we need to act, instead of letting the minutes pass us by. As the title suggests, why wait to be great, it's either now, or too late. And I didn't want to wait, I wanted to embrace every opportunity and live life to the fullest.
Now where shall we start with this growth list? I know where we wont start and that is dating. It has its own ‘special’ chapter to come, so I will begin with the love of dance which became a special part of my time in Melbourne.